Cottage Charm Part 9 - Treat Others Homes As You Want Your's Treated

This can be a hard one because it seems many children today don't treat their own homes with respect, so why should it be any different elsewhere. My adopted grandpa used to love to have children come to visit him, but unfortunately, the joy faded away as the sweet children got there and proceeded to tear the house apart. They would break lamps, electronics, books, and furniture. It was like the locusts descending on well-tended crops and leaving chaos in its wake.

I remember helping him clean up the messes and not understanding why they thought it was ok to climb all over furnishings, run in the house and cause general mayhem. 

 Let's begin that someone's home is not a playground. We do not run, climb, or scream in it but treat it with respect. If things are old or new, shabby or fine makes no difference. We never speak with outside voices like we would at the playground but talk quietly as you would at the museum, or at church. We walk not run around because in running we could break the person's things or knock someone down. 

Unless someone gives you permission to, do not touch their electronics or books or other items. We can enjoy beautiful things without touching them, look with our eyes and see beautiful things but do not touch them with your hands. 

Unless told otherwise keep all food items in the kitchen. Never assume it is ok to take food and drinks in the living room or bedrooms of someone else's home. If you do spill something, clean it up quickly to avoid it staining on carpet or furniture. Never play with outdoor toys inside or play rough outside games inside the home. 

How pleased your hosts will be at your great manners and how happy they will be when you come again to visit.

Related Post: Cottage Charm Part 1 - Responding To Invitations 

Cottage Charm Part 8 - Table Manners

Ok, the next installment on our manners post is short and sweet.  Table manners.

I had a friend that made a point to remove all of the food from her plate that she disliked and literally tossed it across the table. We would dine out, and across the table would go the tomato slices followed by the lettuce and the pickles and anything else she didn't like as she disgustedly announced how much she hated these food items. I was shocked, this was a grown woman! And well, I was embarrassed.

Related Post: Cottage Charm 9 - How To Treat Other's Homes - 

 If we are in a situation where we don't like what is served to us just let it sit to the side on your plate. If you are ordering a meal it is fine to ask for no lettuce or tomatoes, etc. If the meal is burned, too salty or cold that you ordered it is ok to tell someone. But. If you are at someone else's home it is not ok to tell them the food is bad.  And please! Do not throw your food on the table! Act your age, not your shoe size (wink).

Ladies, do not put your purse on the table.  It can go on the next chair, hang on your chair or on the floor by your feet but keep it out of the way of the waiter or waitress.








Please, no elbows on the table and no electronics.  Enjoy your dinner and your family and be present in the moment.  Unless it is a life and death emergency, keep your electronics stowed away.

When you are finished eating put your silverware across your plate diagonally telling the waitstaff that you are finished with your meal.

Cottage Charm Part 7 Taking A Compliment

This old thing? I only wear it when I don't care how I look. - It's A Wonderful Life

Look around you and listen, children and adults alike stumble and falter when complimented on anything from a new haircut to that dinner you know they took all afternoon preparing. Why is that? Why is it so hard to just say what we ought to?

Related Post: Cottage Charm 8 - Table Manners 

When someone tells us that your outfit is pretty we don't need to tell them it is a hand-me-down from our cousin Claire, or that we found it at a yard sale for 50 cents. (Only tell them where you got it if they ask. But there is no need to go into great detail as to where. You could simply say "It was a gift" or "it caught my eye at a yard sale".) They don't want us to explain all the reasons it's not pretty or that we think it makes our hips look big. We need to just say "Thank you"

When I go to church everyone says I look like one of the latest Disney princesses because of my long braided hair. I found myself uncomfortable, but we need to fight that and just graciously say "Thank you". Maybe God is using others to bless us. Others on the outside see us in ways that we never do, often we are our biggest critic.

Cottage Charm Part 6 - Play Time Manners

~Play Time~

Manners please.  She would tell us that as a gentle reminder that we were not acting our best and it was just enough to nudge our conscience and do what we knew that we needed to do.  Manners are very important in play as they are at a museum, in church our favorite restaurant or grandma's house. We must then instruct our little ones on how to behave so that they never feel lost in a circumstance and don't know how to act. It is not a stuffy and antiquated notion, but something we do because we love our children and want them to feel comfortable in many situations.

For instance, we should not be selfish but share what we bring to playtime with others if we bring snacks bring enough to share with our friends. 

Do not insist on going first. We need to wait and take turns. We should never cut in line. Do not hit, push, scratch or throw things at others. This may seem obvious but I see it happen time and time again when I volunteer at church with the children.  

If you see a girl alone with no friends, include her in your play time. It will bless both of you because you will have a new friend and she will be blessed by the love that you show her. 

Social Howdy Doo's ~ Cottage Charm Part 5

 Social Howdy Doo's

Introductions can be awkward at best and here is a rule of thumbs which by no means exhaustive. So let us help you navigate your way through them.

Related Post: Cottage Charm 6 - Playtime Manners -

• First, a child or younger person should always be introduced to an elder as Mr. Mrs. so and so. 
• Second, a gentleman should be introduced to a lady.
•  Third a person of lesser status should be introduced to a person of higher status.
•  Also during introductions, you should use a persons title such as doctor or pastor etc.

Charm Class Part 4 ~ Manners In Public Places

 

Why Is That Clothing Rack Screaming?

There is not much that is less desirable than a stroll in a store on a Saturday afternoon with screaming little ones tearing across your grocery cart's path so that you have to jolt to a stop for fear of hitting one. Their parents completely unaware (with cell phones firmly pressed to their ears or checking their social networking sites or just busy shopping) of their children's near collision with your cart as they rush to play in the clothing racks or ride the for sale scooters or bikes down the isles and dribble the balls down the food isles.

Businesses are not playgrounds. And boys and girls need to treat them as them with respect. Children should at all times stay close to their parents in businesses using "inside voices" and treating others respectfully, including their parents. This is not just because to do otherwise is rude, it is also not safe.  There are people that would love to grab a child all alone in a store and have done so.  The child could hurt themselves or someone else.  They could run into an elderly person and make them fall or could break something on the shelves.  It is not the store's job to watch our little ones, it is our job.  If they cannot stay with us nicely they must ride in a cart until they learn to.  This may not be a really popular post, but let's face it, parents, little ones need to know how to conduct themselves in public that means at stores, restaurants, museums, etc.  How can we be a light in the darkness if our kids are acting like wild animals?  

I know there are circumstances where we have special needs children and I am not talking about them at all.  What we are talking about arable-bodied little ones that need to learn to have respect for both their parents and others.  This is being a good neighbor and a good witness.

Let's see what the bible says about the role of being a child. 

"Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right." (Proverbs 20:11 KJV). 

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Colossians 3:20 ESV

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1

The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore, an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? 1 Timothy 3:1-16
 

"Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you. Deuteronomy 5:16

 "For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way of life" (Proverbs 6:23 NIV).

 “My dear child, don't shrug off God's discipline but don't be crushed by it either. It's the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects. God is educating you; that's why you must never drop out. He's treating you as dear children. This trouble you're in isn't punishment; it's training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live?” (Hebrews 12:5b-9 The Message).

 Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children. Proverbs 17:6

Cottage Charm Part 3 - Excuse Me

Excuse Me

No, I'm not shouting, and no I'm not angry. It's time for our next charm class! Excuse me is used before you do something that will inconvenience a person but I am sorry is used after. Let's say I need to pass you in the hallway but you are in front of me.

I stop and say "Excuse me," or "Pardon me" but if I accidentally step on your toe or knock books out of your arms while passing I say "I am sorry," (Without sarcasm here) Moms and dads lets use this to speak to our children too, not just require it of them.

Excuse me is also used when you have not heard what someone has said and you need it repeated. You say "Excuse me, could you repeat that" Never say huh? (you are not a grunting pig or other creature.) You could also use "I beg your pardon," here. (Note to parents I beg your pardon is not to be used as a snotty come back to something your child has said that is rude or shocking.)

Related Post: Charm Class Part  4 ~ Manners In Public Places 

I beg your pardon is literally begging for forgiveness. In this case for putting someone out by having to repeat what they have already said.

Cottage Charm Part 2 -Please And Thank You-

Please and Thank You

  I suppose that this is a good place to begin. The use of the word please is from the 14th century. It means to give pleasure or satisfy. So it would have been - may it please you to close the door. Sound funny? Maybe, but today as in the 14th century it is a show of good manners.

Related Post: Cottage Charm Part 3 - Excuse Me 

So if you are asking for something say please. If you need a favor from a friend or want to borrow something from your mom what is the word, yes, please.

We, child and adult alike need to remember not to simply demand give me this or hand me that, but make your request sweetened with "Please," and if offered something "Yes please," or "No thank you,"  is also a beautiful reply. (Although in the south this would be yes sir or mam for those polite souls.)

The next is "Thank you," Thank you fly's in the face of this "entitlement generation" and makes us stop and at least for a moment feel gratitude toward another. A well said thank you can change the morning of a busy waitress, make a hectic day feel worth it to a harried teacher or co-worker and warm the heart of a tired parent. Use thank you and you teach your children to use it because you can never go wrong with a thankful heart. Just remember, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.


Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV

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Cottage Charm Part 1 - Responding To Invitations

"Wow, people are so rude."  "Don't they know what RSVP means?"  I hear this all the time and practically speaking many may not know.  So we decided to do a "Cottage Charm" article. 

1. When invited to an event always respond by phone, mail or email.  To not respond is rude and shows a lack of respect to your host or hostess.  The letters RSVP stand for the French phrase  "répondez, s'il vous plaît,"which means please reply.  Normally on a formal invitation, there will be a date they need you to respond by.  Please always respond well before that date.  It is best to respond when you get the invitation so you do not forget and then put the date right on your calendar (whatever form you choose paper or electronic).  If you say you will be there then please be there.  Your word means everything.

Related Post: Cottage Charm Part 3 - Excuse Me  

Also, don't be late.  Be there in time and show your friend you are a person to be trusted and relied upon.

2.  If possible, when invited to an event, don't go empty-handed. Take with you some sort of little gift. Flowers are nice,  a container of ice cream, a dessert, cookies or home-baked bread. Something home-made is always nice. But bring something to bless them.

3. Always use your manners in someone's home or party.  Don't be loud or wild and encourage your children to treat your friends home with respect.  If you break something, clean it up and replace the item if possible with a new one.

4. If you make a mess clean it up. That goes for you children too it is never nice to leave your friend with a big mess.  Children, clean up toys, papers, paints etc.  Adults, offer to clean up and help with the dishes if that is the format for the event. 

Related Post: Charm Class Part  4 ~ Manners In Public Places 

5. Don't dunk your food twice in the dip.  Double dipping is very rude.

6. When at the table eating always keep your elbows in at the table and do not put them on the table.

7. Use your napkin.  Unfold (don't snap) your napkin and place it on your lap.


8.  Don't lick your knife or your fingers (ok, maybe only if it is Bbq and you are at a casual picnic but use your napkin please).

9. Don't take the biggest thing on the serving plate or take too much.  There are other people that are there and hungry take others into account.  If it is a buffet type of event, don't rush in but let others go before you.

10. When the butter is passed, take some and place it on your plate and use that butter for your bread or roll.

 11. Complement the meal but don't over exaggerate or embarrass your spouse or date.  Don't say this is the best chicken I have ever eaten.  Roses chicken is always so dry but this is the best in the world.  Don't tear someone down to lift up another.

12. Thank your host or hostess for the meal.

13. Do not leave without thanking your host or hostess

14. If you your stay is extended at the friend's house and you are sleeping there, clean the room that you slept in.  Strip the bed and make it with fresh sheets and leave it as clean or better than you found it.  If you are there more than a week you should sweep the room or vacuum the floor.  This will bless your friend. 

It is also nice to drop a note in the mail thanking them again and telling your friends how much you enjoyed their event.

Cottage Charm Part 2 -Please And Thank You-