Farewell To Summer...

The happy days have gone away… Summer’s glow has fizzled and died and left memories to float like drying leaves old and crumbly on the breeze to haunt and tease.

Like ghosts to mock your memory. Oh, that summer may return...

O That time may freeze forever and a day and summer’s glow remain and laughter be the only thing that haunts the breeze. That fireflies again light up the night and children chase them beneath the dusky sky.

If only the puddle could always boast the myriad of voices giggling and chattering about far-off wonderland, of planes and trains and mermaids too... and glittering dreams that sparkle brighter than the sun-kissed water.

If only the lane may be filled with children’s voices, alive with wonder and a thousand questions, the sound of skipping feet on pavement some heavier then others a bit older, a bit wiser, and softer ones unmarred by the heaviness of the world beside the steady stride of a furry companion… 

Child and dog, one young and new to life, one older and steady as time. One new to this path, one who’s traveled it many times in the golden glow of the sunset hour.

And the old hall upstairs be once again filled with little pleas to just stay up a little longer, at a sleepy hour as tired eyes droop lower towards surrender and yawns echo on their heels as little one are carried off to bed to be laid in the arms of their pillows

The garden beckons to hold another majestic tea party with fine ladies clad in their very best in bright colors and glittering crowns and handsome gents in fine bow ties and delicate cups that echo of bygone days of many summers and many children.

The sleeping wood waits to be awoken, and transform into the wild place of a child’s imagination.

O that summer and childhood may never end, and summer’s glow never fade… but summer must be laid to rest and the maturity of fall must take it’s place for soon the harshness of winter will find us.

Farewell summer... Forever you will be our treasure.

A gem we will hold dear,

the smile at the corner of our lips…

So farewell old friend, our beloved companion, farewell and remember us well for we will not forget you.

Eager Hands

Eager hands beg to be helpful. To make you proud, to do it just like you. To follow in your handprints.

It's so easy in our busy, speed of light lives to do it ourselves, make sure it's done right way your way. To get it done and move on. To ignore the hands so eager to get involved, the little hands that get in the way, the little hands that have to be taught and retaught to do something that you could do faster on your own- but what will they remember? That you were too busy to let them help, or that you took the time to show them, to make memories with them, to laugh with them. If you don't show them who will?

Several years ago we were caring for two foster boys, one was a baby the other was two and a half, plus we were taking care of grandma cottage who was in bad health. Life was busy! Little Bit loved to come with me to do morning chores, trekking through the dew covered grass in his little frog rain boots, overalls and cowboy hat clinging tightly to my hand or the other side of the feed bucket. He'd beg me to lift him so he could pour the chicken feed into the feeder or let him sprinkle it on the ground for them and then he'd stand there watching in wonder as the pecked at the food.


It would have been faster, easier to do it by myself. To not have to walk slow so little legs could keep up, to not have little hands "help" carry the feed bucket, to not have to pick up a little boy so he could feed the hens. I could have been done and on to a dozen other things, but you know what? I will always remember those moments, in the quiet early mornings. The birds singing cheerily, the morning light dancing through the branches of the orchard, an eager little hand in mine as he skipped along beside me.

Breathe. Take a moment and show them, teach them, encourage their curiosity in the world and let them help you.

Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame... Psalm 127:3-5 NIV

You see eager hands grow up far to quickly, tomorrow they may not be there to slip their hand in yours and beg to help. Tomorrow they could be grown, treasure those hands while they are there, make the time to teach those hands, invest in those hands, because they are the future and they will learn how to care for there own children one day.

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 NKJV

There is a story in the bible, about the Israelites crossing the Jordan river. After they crossed the Lord told Joshua to take 12 rocks from the middle of the Jordan and carry them to where they would stay to be a testament of what the Lord had done for them and the journey He had taken them on.

In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’  tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.” Joshua 4:6-7 NIV

Take the time to show those little eager hands you've been entrusted with your "stones" from the journey He has taken you on. Those stones were to be something they could touch, and see and hold in their hands but they needed mom and dad to tell them why those stones were important. Why they meant something. They needed someone to take time, slow down, take a breath and draw them close and teach them. To take those eager hands and lay them against the stone and tell them the stories of what He had done in their life.


Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture is taken from the New King James Version Copyright @ 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

A Grandmother's Legacy

Away in a manger... soft and lilting the lyrics float in my head as the hazy image of my grandmother singing flickers in the back of my head. What I would do to sit with her for a moment and hear her voice again. To listen to her sing... to wake before the sunrises and sit in the kitchen drinking tea and watching the eastern sky blush with the dawn.

So many memories she should have born witness to, so many birthdays and Christmas's she should be here for. So many feasts she should have helped prepare. So many hugs I long to feel. So many pictures she should be in. So very many things I would like to tell her.

And yet her legacy lives on in our lives. Not a day is not touched with her fingerprints, for they are on all of our hearts. Today as the calendar marks the anniversary of her death, and we find the pain anew- and wonder if it will ever stop hurting we remember her legacy. We remember a woman with such an amazingly large heart that she could make strangers family. A tiny lady, who could walk among the homeless and the broken and look past all of the rough edges and love them.

We remember the woman who kept a little can of  'love' on the counter to sprinkle all of the dishes she made with it. We remember a woman who changed the lives all she met. We remember the stories she told... and the love she filled our home with.

I am so thankful for her influence in my life, for the ability to grow up in her shadow. We Rosevine Girls share the amazing treasure of spending nearly every day of our lives with her. Her passing has left a huge unfillable gap in our lives.

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She was a woman of faith, and that made her a unique woman. Much of what I know of faith came from this woman and watching her walk with Christ. Her life was not sunshine and rainbows, she was raised by a sister after her mother died and father abandoned her. She found herself burying her husband and daughter much sooner then any wife or mother ever wants to do- and yet she remained faithful. Yes, I am sure there were dark places, places where she questioned His plan, where the grief threatened to crush her.

She was a strong woman- not in an abrasive sort of way, but in a gentle beautiful way. In a way that bespoke where her strength came from. She was a woman who could believe in you when everyone else gave up. Today as I logged on to Facebook a memory popped up, "Heaven has gained an amazing woman,"... yes, heaven truly did gain an amazing woman that day, and the world is a bit darker without her corny jokes and beautiful voice. But it is by far a more beautiful place because of her.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 2 Timothy 4:7

May we all be more like Grandma Cottage... at the end of our days, may someone be able to say that about us that we "finished the race" and "kept the faith". May that be all of our legacies. I'll go a bit further, may we all leave behind us as big an impact -a ground-zero if you will-. No, she never ran for office, or became wealthy, or traveled to far off places- but she was rich with love. May the epicenter of our legacy, be as widespread, and the people we loved be as many.

When Is It Time...

When is it time to walk away… To burn the bridge, to watch the sparks fly upward- to let the flames dry the tears… To find the shattered remains of an already broken heart.

When do you pick up a shield and rebel against the pain others inflict so callously to fight the dragon spewing lies?

When do you run, and let the rain wash away the mud others have slung- and repair your tattered wings. 

I hold my breath, the wind calls to me, beckons me to take flight. To rise like a phoenix from the ashes. Beauty from pain, life from death. Yet guilt holds me here, as the thunder roars for me to run the lightning pleads for me to break away. Can I go? 

Can I leave them all behind, the dandelion wishes, and the skipping brook. Can I leave it all behind, the memories and promises bind my wrists demanding I stay, demanding that I shoulder my burden and keep moving. 

So many things I could have said, so many times I could have walked away without a backward glance. Maybe it’s me… perhaps I’m the real dragon. Perhaps I deserve these chains. I must be like a poison… destroying all I touch. Like a flame burning all that I find, all that dare come near. Cancer that sucks the life away. The ice I erect around my heart only melts letting the arrows find their mark. Why did I let the walls fall? Why did I trust yet again? Why must the pain suck the breath from my lungs?

If only my heart was titanium, impenetrable to attack. If only I could seal it off and refuse pain's knock upon my door. The pain of breaking away is nearly as bad as staying. My arms are tired, my legs weary, my eyes burn from too many tears … I can’t go on. 

The waves beg me to stop swimming, the fights all gone. Surrender it begs. I was a fool to believe, to believe you wanted me. I was a fool to believe I was safe. You asked me to stay and yet you despised me. 

The storm calls me to escape the dragon’s walls, to stare the dragon in the eye and raise my sword. But is it time? 

Can’t you see that my heart is already a wasteland? Must you crush the poppy who dared to push its head above the soil of a battlefield? Leave the wounded in peace, the stones have already been scattered, the walls torn down the gates ripped asunder, the tears long cried out. Courage is dead. My dreams hang on pikes along your city walls for the world to mock. There is nothing left and yet you return to finish a job already done. To make sure no sign of life returns. You think me a curse- I see it in your eyes. 

If I were a dragon your spears would ricochet off my scaly hide if I were a phoenix the flames wouldn’t burn. A spark to tinder, a flash across the sky. The smoke rises, the fire burns bright unable to be put out. It’s sparks fly upward…

When The Holidays Find You Forgotten

Duke is out on his walk once again. He makes this journey daily- it is better than sitting in his place alone thinking of the old times. He pushes his walker down the bustling street; cars pass him their drivers taking no notice of the little old man and his battered walker as they speed by caught up in their own little world. He makes his way to the bank, the same as every other day. He opens the heavy door, and the crunching leaves blow in with him. The tellers wave at him as he makes his way over to the coffee pot- during the war, he learned to like it strong and black.

He looked out the window as he sipped on the brew. Jack would have said it was strong enough to strip paint; he smiled at the memory of his son. How many years since he'd seen that boy? He couldn't quite remember. He'd been leaving on deployment, that last time he saw him. Man had he been proud of his boy. But he was gone now... He watched the dark clouds gather, looked like a storm was brewing. He turned and hobbled to one of the chairs; he shouldn't stay long he'd have to walk through the rain to get home. The last thing he needed was a cold, but he longed for companionship, the sound of others voices.

He pulled a newspaper from the table and caught up on what is going on in the world while sipping at the steaming cup of 'jo'. Another school shooting, a lawsuit over Christmas decorations, an article on how Merry Christmas was too exclusive and some new fangled electronic gadget being released. He snorted softly, before taking another sip. In his day none of this happened, people had time for each other. They looked out for each other, helped when it was needed. Children used their imagination to keep them busy not little boxes with screens. Now it seemed everyone was so busy with their own lives know one cared about anyone else.

He looks up at the sound of the bell over the door, for half a second he expected to see his son walk through that door- that all these years had been a mistake, that somehow he still had someone that cared about him. But that was silly, Jack was gone and wasn't coming back. He blinked back the mist suddenly covering his eyes and a new face greeted him with a smile. A young woman, bundled in a bright red coat, her cheeks kissed by the wind until the matched. She blew on her fingers to warm them before heading over to one of the tellers.

She greeted him as she passed, her cheerfulness enough to warm even the hardest ice cycle. He couldn't help watching her as she conducted her business, asked after the tellers family; maybe the world wasn't spun quite so far out of control. She bid the teller "Merry Christmas" he smiled at that and to his surprise sat in a chair beside him. Her hazel eyes held his with a warmth that cut straight through to his heart, she began to talk to him. Not the "how are you" that people ask but don't really care, she was... genuine. She cared about this puttering old man before her.

A gust of wind spiraled a newspaper down the street and he remembered he needed to get home, he didn't want to leave this lady, didn't want to go back to an empty house but he needed to get moving. He wished her a Merry Christmas and hobbled toward the door, stopping on the sidewalk to wait for a passing car so he could cross the street- the bell rang and a flash of red made him turn. She stopped beside him and smiled,

"Crossing?" he nodded not sure why she cared, why a sweet thing like her was even bothering with the likes of him. She stepped off the curve and helped him ease his walker down "Me too," together they crossed the street and meandered down the opposite sidewalk. All the time he held his breath waiting for her to turn off, to disappear like the snow each spring from his life. But she didn't, instead she chattered away, and he listened, enjoying just the sound of another human. Finally, they reached his rickety porch, and she helped him up the stairs.

He shut the door on her retreating form and settled into the big chair in the living room, he must have dosed off because he suddenly awoke to the sound of a knock at his door. He pushed to his feet, his muscles stiff and wobbled to the door, swinging it open he found the red-coat-lady standing there a steaming casserole dish in her hands and a basket on her arm,

"I thought maybe you'd enjoy some company,"

Have You Thanked God In This?

At first thought this question is strange, perhaps leaning more toward dumb. Your world is crashing down around you and some blogger on the other side of the internet wants to know if "Have you thanked God in this?".

Of course not! Why would I thank God for the trouble? For the mistakes that got my son on his way to jail. The lost job that has led to financial problems. The lost loved one. The deserted friend. The leaking roof and the broken down car. Why would I?

An old friend of mine liked to say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That's not quite right. Its your reaction to the pain that makes the difference. I love the idea of working out, but the second day when I roll out of bed and my legs don't want to work because they are so sore, and all I want to do is stay in bed- here is where your choice lies, press through the pain or give up and maybe grow bitter.  I have to say I am very guilty of the latter.

No one likes pain, if change didn't require pain well lets just say we'd all look like super models. But alas it does (Kissing the image of me strutting down the runway- and the face plant I would do when my heel got caught on the carpet goodbye). Pain means you are challenging yourself. Your striving for better.

When life gets rough, all it means is God's at work, and He is going to do something big. You just have to trust Him. So... have you thanked Him in all of this?

When The World Says You're Not Enough

When Sanballat heard that we were rebuilding the wall, he became angry and was greatly incensed. He ridiculed the Jews,  and in the presence of his associates and the army of Samaria, he said, “What are those feeble Jews doing? Will they restore their wall? Will they offer sacrifices? Will they finish in a day? Can they bring the stones back to life from those heaps of rubble—burned as they are?” Nehemiah 4:1-2

In essence, he was telling them, they weren't enough. They were too small, too insignificant, to unnoticeable to be anything. How many times in our lives have we run into this same sentiment? Whether from a "well-meaning" friend- like one of mine, when I told them I wanted to publish the book I was writing. She chuckled slightly and said "Were just kids, we can't do something like that,"

Related Post: Don't Stop Building - Working Through Criticism

Well, guess what, You. Are. Enough. Because you are his, and through your weakness, your inability, you tininess, He shines through. Like light held up to a tattered cloth, He shines through the holes, the broken places. You are enough- because He is enough. You're enough because your creator looked at you and said, You. Were. Enough. You were good, his treasured creation, his child.

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He doesn't see what the world sees- he doesn't see the freckles, the size of your jeans, the frizzy hair, the lengthy build or the short. He sees your heart, and he loves you no matter what the wrappings look like. You are a jewel, priceless and unreplaceable.

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You are his gift to the world- now go do what he has placed in your heart. Ignore the scoffers, you are His child, and with Him, you will do AMAZING things. So go shine your light.

Don't Stop Building - Working Through Criticism

You're on top of the world! Doing BIG things for God. You can feel his hand on what you're doing, and then it happens.  Criticism comes knocking at your door and punches the air from your lungs. Suddenly, as if the magic bubble has been burst; the rose colored glasses were broken and thrown away it seems small, insignificant, useless. A drop in the ocean.

Nehemiah got to Jerusalem ready to do big things, the people were on fire! They were going to do great things, rebuild the walls. And then the big Kahunas around them, surrounding them found out and didn't like it.

So they criticized their work. Told them it was a joke, pathetic and impossible. Who do you think you are they shouted. If a fox jumped on it, it would crumble, they laughed. What do you think Nehemiah did? Throw his hands in the air shouting "you know what? You're right. It's hot, it's too hard, we're tired," No, he fell on his knees before God (V.4-5) and poured out his heart to God. Then he got up, brushed himself off and went back to work.

When that didn't work they tried intimidation. We're going to come up and we're going to kill you, and you know what? You won't even see us coming!" The people got worried, and the work stopped as they worried and fretted. They're on all sides! We don't have a chance! There are too many of them! The wall is only half what it should be. What are we going to do?

Nehemiah looked over the walls and then armed the workers placing them to work on the wall near their homes. Then he turned to the quivering people begging him for answers and reminded them that they serve an awesome God, and the work continued.

“Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” Nehemiah 4:14

Then the internal bickering started, we're hungry! They're growing rich on us! We can't afford to feed our families.

At the meeting, I said to them, “We are doing all we can to redeem our Jewish relatives who have had to sell themselves to pagan foreigners, but you are selling them back into slavery again. How often must we redeem them?” And they had nothing to say in their defense. Nehemiah 5:8

Then Nehemiah's enemies showed up again, they'd finished the walls but the gates weren't up yet. So they took a little more roundabout way of attacking him this time. So maybe we were wrong, why don't you come down and meet us and we'll talk about it.

But they were scheming to harm me; 3 so I sent messengers to them with this reply: “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?” 4 Four times they sent me the same message, and each time I gave them the same answer. Nehemiah 6:3-4

They held out a supposed hand, come on why don't you join us. So we were wrong the walls are up. Nehemiah knew they were scheming so instead of saying, Oh, well you finally noticed. You're going to let me sit with you guys on at the big kid table, Oh, well fine! He looked at them and said sorry, I'm doing a great work (you know that one that you said was small, unimportant and impossible. Yeah, that one). Why should I stop to come down to meet you? Oh, come on! Are you supposed to forgive and forget right? Just come meet us.

When this didn't work they decided to blacken his name, Oh well there's a rumor going around that you guys are just building the wall so you can rebel and become king, we'd hate for these reports to get back to the king. So come and meet us.

But I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.” Nehemiah 6:9

When this didn't work they sent people to intimidate Nehemiah. To prophesy against him, and make him fear for his life. To make him stumble, and give them something to bring him down with. But the next verse is the best...

So the wall was completed on the twenty-fifth of Elul, in fifty-two days. Nehemiah 6:15

Despite all the lies, the intimidation tactics, the threats, the criticism The. Wall. Was. Completed. That project that was impossible? Was finished. Those people who had no right to try something so big did it. The. Wall. Was. Completed.

When all our enemies heard about this, all the surrounding nations were afraid and lost their self-confidence, because they realized that this work had been done with the help of our God. Nehemiah 6:16

They realized that this work had been done with the help of our God. How big is that? Those same people who mocked said, "Whoa! God. Is. With. Them."

Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right. ~ Abraham Lincoln

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. Proverbs 29:25

 Criticism hurts- especially when it comes from those who you thought would support you. But when you are chasing the dream God put in your heart. When you are blooming where he planted you it doesn't matter what the world says. It doesn't matter what they think- keep your eyes on Him and keep building. You can only fear one, to follow one. God or man. I choose God, what about you?

In Going Home

 

I can smell it before I ever see it. It has been 15 years but it is as if not a day and yet it is forever and a day. The light is fading and yet I feel a desperate need to see it again. We make our way down the road and the local traffic is thick. I am crazy- in a sort of panic to get there before the sun sinks into its depth.

Before we can even park I slide out of the passenger seat and us girls run for the sand. It is cool and January but I pull off my shoes and run for it. There it is the sun sinking but my feet are enveloped by the coolness and the salty breeze is in my hair, I am home. Tears come unbidden - what a fool I am- but it is a homecoming an embrace- a welcome home, I wonder- how I ever left... even more, how will I let it go again?

I long for home, not the place I now call home but my childhood home. The place of laughter and friends, my mom and my dad. If only I could walk the short distance home and walk in the door.  If only I could hear their voices and throw my arms around them.  I long for their embrace but they are gone.

When The World Tells You To Take A Vacation

Have you ever been doing something big for God? Maybe it's teaching, or mission work or raising godly kids. At first, it was great, you were on fire. Sitting on top of the world. You were on a Holy Spirit high. You could do anything He asked you. You were right there so in step with Him that if you reached out you were almost sure you could touch Him. You could almost hear His voice as you prayed... and then the high began to die. Life went on. But it didn't seem like you were doing any good. You were just a drop in a bottomless pit.

You got tired, physically, spiritually... you just want to stop take a break and relax. It seems like the devil will never leave you alone and you just want something to go right. Those people -you know the ones- tell you it's alright, just let it rest. Stop and relax. You can't save the world. Take a vacation, have some fun.

But I'm working on a great project! I can't stop, now! Come on. Just take a minute- stop for a moment. Let your arms rest for a second. You can go back- tomorrow.

So I sent messengers to them with this reply: "I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?" Nehemiah 6:3

They didn't want Nehemiah to build the wall around Jerusalem, they didn't want him to complete his God given mission. So they did everything in their power to distract, hinder and discourage him. They threatened, lied, and plotted against him. Did they realize that they were mere puppets for the devil? Probably not. All of the interference they were running- was puppets on a string in a bigger picture. But when your in that situation, its hard to see the bigger picture. You don't see the result of the seemingly simple thing you are doing, with -to our eyes- no result.

I know, I've been there too. Feeling like I am filling a bucket with a dropper. It never quite seems like enough.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

But you know what? Even when no one else notices the things you've slaved over all day- He does. He sees your sweat, your tears. He sees how tired you are, that you want to quit, to take a vacation. But you know what? He created you for right where you are, knowing that you couldn't do it on your own. He made you to lean on Him so you could do it together. Because He takes great pleasure in doing the impossible through the unlikely.

Even Moses needed someone to hold his arms up. He will put people in your life to help you hold up your arms in prayer. To stand with you and say. I can not come down. I will not stop. God has put me here for this moment, and like Esther, here I will stand. Because come what may my God is in control. Triumph or fail it's all for Him.

Jumping To Conclusions

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, James 1:19 NIV

How quickly we jump to conclusions, to become angry. To lash out in our ignorance, to react without thought, to stop listening. To roar when we should be silent. Yes, I am just a guilty of this as the next person.

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. Proverbs 16:32 KJV

We shut our ears when we don't want to listen, we look at that girl in the skimpy skirt and net tights and we jump to a conclusion. We walk by that homeless person and we jump to a conclusion. But the truth is we don't know their story. We've never walked in their shoes. Never faced been through what they have- or maybe we have.

All our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away. Isaiah 64:6 NLT

You see we are just as ugly and dirty as them to our Father. Our sins are just as scarlet. But He still chose to die for us- and as he hung there on that tree those who wandered by, jumped to a conclusion. Criminal, God forgotten... They didn't know that as they hurried by caught up in their own little worlds that the son of God was dying for their sins. The savior of the world saw them and said, "I love them, so I'm going to pay their debt,".

See we jump to conclusion's every day, sometimes they are small- the light is going to turn. That car is going to turn. Or bigger ones. She hates me, they don't want me here. Many times assuming has no consequence. But when we jump to a conclusion with a family member or friend it can be detrimental.

Like when that person reads your Facebook post and jumps to a conclusion that it's about them- and then they get their knickers in a twist and sometimes you lose their friendship. I have had this happen to me before, and I'm sure if you haven't yet, then you will in the future.

We need to take the first verse to heart. Quick- not to jump to a conclusion, not to become angry, not to assume that it's about us. Because guess what, it's not all about us. The world doesn't revolve around us.

Related Post:  A Nation With The Soul Of The Church 

We need to be quick to listen. To shut our mouths open our ears and listen with our heart. In our day of social media and ways to connect with people around the world, we need to have a real conversation. Not just a "Hi, How are you?" instant message. We need to connect. What are you struggling with? How can I make your load easier? How can I pray for you? How can I meet a need in your life? And then shut up and listen.

We need to be slow to speak. It's hard to lash out in anger if we are slow to speak. If you're not sure about how to respond to someone. Stop, pray. If you need to get someone else to read what upset you and compare notes.

We need to be slow to get angry. God is so patient with us- the least we can do is be the same to those we encounter on a daily basis.

Related Post:Why Are We Believing The Worst? 

If you read something and you feel that it is aimed at you before you get worked up- examine your own heart. Usually, when we get our noses bent out of whack its because something hit too close to home. If you need to, go seek that person out, and if you need to apologize do so.  Whether it's about you or not, it really doesn't matter. If you feel like you are in the wrong make it right.


Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

New Living, NLT, and the New Living Translation logo are registered trademarks of Tyndale House Publishers.
Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™



I Thought He Was My Isaac

Isaac; Biblical meaning Laughter - The promised child of Abraham and Sarah in the bible. See Genesis Chapter 15

I Thought He Was My Isaac...

I hover breathless over the new life that lay sleeping in his bed. The sterile smell of the hospital assaults my nose. But my breath has hitched at the tiny fingers curled around my index finger. This is finally it. Right? This is my Isaac, my laughter.

Eleven babies - gone to heaven where my womb betrayed them and took their lives away from them too soon. Eleven children that never had a chance to laugh and pray. To receive a hug and kiss from their parents and play their siblings. All of the prayers over us, all of the tears shed. The word that a baby would come.

The word that the Lord was in this. This is for you.  God told me that I was supposed to tell you to follow this path. This is His plan...

I did, here I am, here we are - Isaac.

It was almost too good to be true- the first red flag that it seems I have ignored.

But sweet baby Isaac, he loves me and his face lights up when he sees me.

The days and nights melt into one another.  He sleeps through the night and is seemingly perfect.

But it was not meant to be.

The laughter fades...

The room once again sits empty.

Now we struggle with the silence

We struggle with the why.

Struggle with the pain, an empty cradle stands alone in a room untouched- as if a snapshot has been taken, unmarred by time. A monument to what was; what could have been...

I will still love you Lord... a plea through tears, a silent plea, and a broken heart. I trust you... when the water rises and the flames burn high. You are on the throne. A silent night and whispered prayer "keep him safe- draw his heart to you" as I kneel beside his empty crib and tears stream down my cheeks. Pain wells up almost tangible- touchable. My eyes play tricks on me and I see a downy covered head- tiny fingers. I suck in a breath - and illusions fade as if a spell was broken. I trust you. Half spoken to Him half reminding myself.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5

I trust you...

Life Is Hard

Life can be hard.
Let's be honest, it can be a struggle.

Nasty Neighbors.
False Friends.
Bickering children,
Grumpy Spouse.
Tyrannical Boss.
Gossip.
Church Splits

Shall I go on?
Want to know the truth?

Every Conflict Is Spiritual

That's right, every conflict is spiritual.

It is so easy for us to get caught up in the physical, to put a human face on the fight before us.
Every Challange Is Conquerable. We battle while on our knees while reading the bible, while in prayer. 

Spiritual strength is required to push through the battles in this world. Spiritual armor must be put on as we face our day - every day.

The bible tells us:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.…Ephesians 6:10-13

What is this armor the scripture speaks of?

Let's read on.

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

The Belt of truth- 

It covered your middle, your internal organs and holds everything up. Literally it holds your pants up and keeps you from being exposed. That is what the Truth does. It holds everything else up. No pants on the ground people! Fasten your belt!

Breastplate of Righteousness 

The knights of old knew the importance of protecting the heart. The breastplate protected the chest because a chest wound was deadly. Spiritually speaking righteousness is only through Christ. It is not something we can obtain of our own merit. When Christ died on the cross His Righteousness was then credited to all who believe in Him through justification and not through our own works.

Shield of Faith 

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Feet Fitted with the readiness that comes from the Gospel of Peace  

Have you ever hurt your foot? It can make a grown man cry and quickly get you off of your feet! The knights of old knew the importance of protecting the feet in battle.
The Shield Of Faith
Notice it says to take up the shield? That means that it can be put down friends. The way we take up our shield is by daily reading the bible. We can fight against the doubts and lies by keeping current with our reading and spending time with God every day.
The Helmet of salvation

The warrior didn't want a head wound, and this piece of metal will protect you head as salvation protects against the onslaught of the attacks on the mind. The lies and the deceit of the evil one and his battle against the truth.
Sword of The Spirit- 
The Word of God, the bible. We must read the bible so that we can recognize the lies. When you work for a bank you are not given counterfeit money to study but the real thing. You know without a doubt what the real thing looks like so you can understand when you see the fake. Same with the word of God. We must immerse ourselves in the truth, so when we are face to face with a lie, we know it.
Lastly: 
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

No good soldier would go without communicating to his commander. No war can be won by each man just acting on his own and not working together. So too, the warrior of God. We must spend time talking to God. He loves us dearly and wants to hear from us.

Slow Fade - When You Have Lost The Ones You Love

You grab the phone, nervousness settles in your stomach but you punch the buttons anyway. The phone rings and you are sure it will go to the machine. It is a new number that they won't recognize it. "Hello"? The voice asks. For a moment, your voice catches and then you just rush in. You are not sure what to say but it pours out in a torrent of words. It is awkward. There is mostly uncomfortable silence on the other end of the phone and you know things will never be the same. The only thing to talk about is the weather and even that feels odd.

You make cards but never hear "Thank You". It is like they just disappear in the mailbox and head into a black hole of nothingness. Your Children's birthdays come and the mailbox stays empty. No phone calls, no greetings. Your children look up at you with teary eyes and ask why.

"Momma, why do we make all dees (these) cards for everyone and no one sends us a card?"

What do you do when the people who are supposed to love you, don't?

The bible says that-

• If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone Romans 12:18
• Let us, therefore, make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Romans 14:19
• Colossians 3:13 -15 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. 14 Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.…
• Ephesians 5:2 ...and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
• 1 John 3:10 This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God's child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister.
• John 13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
• Romans 12:10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

This is hard for me - I hate conflict. I am a peacemaker. I look down at the teary eyes and cup my hands on their cheeks. 

I kiss their foreheads and say... because we Love them. 

I leave it at that- leave the rest to God...

They throw their little arms around me and squeeze. "I Love you, Momma!" Oh, I love them too -so very much!

Check out He Looks At The Heart

Don't Postpone Joy

Don't postpone joy!

For many of us, we don't have time to do fun things. We have work or school, or kids, or a thousand other things that have to be done- we'll do that craft, or read that book, or call your friends and invite them over for tea or a BBQ, or take that walk tomorrow. Well, I hate to say it dear, but tomorrow may never come.

Related Post: Redefining Unconditional: How Our Son Completely Changed Our Lives

Take a break, breathe, stop in that mad dash of life- in the end you won't remember all those hours you put in on "work", but you will remember that time you went to the beach, or made cookies with the kids, walked in the leaves...

Breathe- life will still be there. But you will never have today again.  Make time each day for something that gives you joy. Maybe it's just a cup of coffee or a good book, Make time for it- even if it is just a few moments.

Unconditional: How Our Son Completely Changed Our Lives

 

 

For two years, I would sit at his basketball games and silently sob.

Not because Little Man (our youngest son) wasn’t as good as the other kids were. (He wasn’t at the time.)

Not because I was embarrassed to be the only parent with a kid on that team not keeping up.

I would weep because he was cognitively stuck. Like a computer sluggishly trying to process a hard drive full of information, he would stare. The game went on around him, and he lagged 30 seconds behind. He would run down the court just as the team was turning around to head the other way down the court. Then he would remember, briefly, to “guard his man” before getting lost in the loudness of the gymnasium, the overstimulation of the ball bouncing around him, the fast pace of the kids racing past, and the pure anxiety of being in slow-motion when everyone around you is on pace. He would peel his hangnails and wear a perpetually worried look on his face.

My heart would ache and shatter not because he was different but because it was an indication that once again, he was suspended in that time and place called dysregulation, for whatever the reason, and we would need months to partly climb back out again.

I could take the massive amounts of energy: the Tigger Bounce. I somehow managed the incessant chatting. For years I dealt with the fast-paced mind. But when he started shutting down from anxiety, depression, overwhelm, overstimulation, and self-esteem in first grade, I found the combo meals that came with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) to be especially cruel and merciless. I raged against our world being thrust knee-deep into obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) behaviors and depression. Eight year olds are not supposed to feel anything other than an occasional hurt feeling or a bruised knee now and again. They are not supposed to hate themselves, crawl into fetal position and rock, tormented by who they are.

We felt like our son was trapped inside a deep cage, and no matter how much we reached our arms in between the bars, he shrank back and away, fearful to come out. What’s more, none of us could find that key!

We now know that my son not only has ADHD, but, in his case, it comes with anxiety and sensory processing deficiencies as its sidekicks. There were also some fine and gross motor weaknesses, visual motor and planning struggles, and related executive functioning issues. When anxiety spiraled, depression and OCD behaviors followed. And the best way I can describe his “lost in space” funks was stuck. He would often become stuck from November through January, starting to come out of that place by the end of February. Stuck would be perseveration on germs and difficulty in starting tasks. Even putting on socks and shoes became a game of “if the socks don’t match rims exactly, I can’t wear them.” Getting ready for school in the morning could become an hour and a half—or more—event because rituals were so important, thinking was so inflexible and rigid, and the slightest deviations from exact routine would unravel him. Arguments come from rigid thinking, and rushing a child who is processing slowly at the moment never got us anywhere but in tears together. Some days I felt like I had already lost my mind by 8 AM, and then there were my two older children whose nerves were ragged from the mere exhaustion of listening to my coaching, coercing, reasoning, strategizing, and sometimes just plain begging. I would regularly fall into a heap and weep.

I knew that deep inside my boy was smart, kind-hearted, empathetic (which contributed to anxiety, actually), and funny. Suddenly jokes about puppy farts and light-hearted teasing disappeared and were replaced with obsessing over germs, time, routine, etc.

As parents, we went from fairly straightforward parenting, mild health concerns, and somewhat predictable developmental stages in our oldest two children to two years of nonstop searching for answers: pediatrician, child therapist, child psychiatrist, occupational therapist,  and psychologist with plenty of regular surveys, questionnaires, inside-the-school evaluations and neuropsychological evaluation outside the school for our youngest child. We hopped from specialist to specialist, therapy to therapy, IEP meeting to regular team meetings, and between us we made sacrifices in work time missed, career advancement, hours of driving sometimes an hour away weekly for professional help, and even the initial emotional tolls of family counseling. My publishing business launch halted right in its tracks, and my daily, sometimes hourly life, became full-time advocacy for my struggling child. My dreams were on hold, the little involvement I had in social circles dramatically halted; we reduced activities, stayed home so he wasn’t overscheduled beyond necessary appointments, and made big changes even in the activity level of our older two children (middle and high school). My husband travelled less for work.

At the time, I knew it wasn’t forever, but I also knew I only had so much energy, and it was often already 50 percent spent after morning battles to get out the door. We discovered as a family we had to:

• Slow down
• Check in with each other
• Talk honestly and frankly about how these things affect us
• Learn compassion
• Prioritize
• Find times when the child in crisis or need didn’t suck up every ounce of parent energy and spend it on the neurotypical children
• Make time for fun
• Engage in dog therapy (we have two cuddly Shih Tzus who have brought us much comic relief and comfort)
• Pray…often…together…alone
• Abide in Christ, and He will grow the fruit in our lives
• Laugh our heads off; seriously, potty humor became my friend!
  

Putting my personal dreams on hold, circling inward to take care of the birds in our own nest, and reserving our resources were just for a season, but they were necessary—vital, really—to us adjusting to our new normal. We had a few really difficult family therapy sessions when I just about slammed out the door because so much weight was on me—and that ugly beast called Mother Guilt, which constantly lied to me and told me that I was a failure and not doing enough.

We are a family of Christian faith, and we often asked for prayer, prayed before every appointment and IEP meeting, and drew strength through meeting with a mental health support group for parents in our town as well as a leading a focus (support) group for special needs parents in our church. We learned how healing it was to leverage our growing network and knowledge base to help others. Even our high school son took on the role of a “buddy” in children’s ministry to offer extra help and support to the special needs children in our church. It felt good to take what we were learning and apply it beyond our own home—once we got a better handle on our own challenges and struggles.

Yesterday, I sat at one of the first basketball games of the season amazed at how far we’ve come. I was relieved to see my son able to handle the sensory overloads in the gymnasium better, follow the ball and actively participate in defense and offense, and in general look less stressed during the game. He was having fun!

My son is not healed. We still have our bad days and seasons. I still end up in a ball on the floor crying some days (after he has left for school). The difference is that in two years’ time, we have learned ways to help him self-regulate in our home, he has benefitted from years of therapy, and he is developmentally making some strides. I no longer resent the interruption and the pain. In many ways, we thank it because it made us learn a bit more about being still and loving from places deep within ourselves that used to be covered in selfishness and complacency.

Our hearts have grown into a passion for special needs ministry, our lives forever changed.

We feel God has lifted us to a new definition of unconditional love, one that brings us closer to a love like Jesus’s, one that opened our hearts deeper, wider—and we are less afraid.

Little Man has completely changed our lives and our priorities. The adjustments our family has made have been so healthy. I was admittedly resistant at the time, but I would never go back to the way we were before. I leave you with what my heart wants to say to every special needs parent with this letter from me and this word from Jesus:

John 15:1-9, ESV

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.

Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.

Blessings on your journey!

Bonnie Lyn Smith

Author Bonnie Lyn Smith writes about parenting, marriage, mental health advocacy, special education, faith in the valleys of life, the healing cloak of Jesus, drawing healthy boundaries, relational healing, renewing our minds, walking with a Holy God, and much ado about grace. Join the conversation at Espressos of Faith.

Her book, Not Just on Sundays: Seeking God’s Purpose in Each New Day, offers anecdotes on all of these subjects and Scripture for each situation as well as Book Discussion Questions for deeper exploration.

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