When You Feel Like Saying "When" - Prepare To Stop

 I was 16.

 I ran a stop sign - on purpose.

The chain of events leading up to this caused me to want so badly to end it all. There were actually so many events that had gone on in my life by the age of 14, that it was really the cherry on top.

 I found out I was pregnant. That to me was a blessing.

Five months along we found out that it was a boy and he had a genetic disorder called Trisomy 18. It was a horrible diagnosis. The life expectancy was a year…If that. His organs were all over the place, and he was not doing well. They wanted me to abort. Imagine that! I wanted to give him a fighting chance.

 I felt him kick a lot. Played music for him, and read to him in my belly. I cherished every moment I had with him inside of me. I forgot the rest of the world spinning around me and just lived for him.

I grew up a lot in those months.

Nine months along... he stopped kicking - for good. We went to the doctor and they told us that he had passed away. I was crushed. Even though they try to prepare you for this, nothing ever does. I gave birth to my stillborn baby Brenden after 31 hours of labor. I did not hold him. I was so upset and so young. I didn't know the effects that would have on me...  For the rest of my life I've regretted it.

His birthday was December 3rd. I picked out a tiny white casket, made funeral arrangements and buried him December 7th 2014. The two years of my life after that was a destructive blur. I didn't care about my life. I wanted to end it. I remember asking Tracy, my longtime family friend / second mom for guidance. She said to pray. Pray hard. A month or so after talking to her, I was driving by myself. I had no one. I felt as if no one loved me. I felt that my baby died because of me... but in fact there was nothing I could have done to prevent it.

 I ran that stop sign and almost got hit. I pulled over. Started praying, asking God to forgive me for turning away from him during the darkest time of my life... I cried and cried. I probably looked crazy to someone driving by me. All I remember after this breakdown saying that I had had enough.

I felt this weight come off my shoulders and knew I needed to start living the life my baby would never have. For all I knew he could be walking with God, watching my actions and I realized I had to stop. That was the end of it. Right then and there. Every decision I made from then on out, was a positive one. I know that if I didn't go through that I wouldn't be who I am today. With the values and my strong relationship with God. I knew my life would be better. Sorry for rambling, but that was my “when” saying “enough is enough”.

My name is Jody Ann Garber. I am 35. I have 5 kids 4 of them are on earth 1 in heaven. Ages from 14 to 2. I live in eastern Pennsylvania with my husband of 4 years. I also am a work at home mom with an amazing company called Itworks Global. We specialize in health and wellness products. I'll include my link in case anyone reading this needs help getting into better health.

Jody would love to connect with you at Cajunbeachwrappers.com

When You Feel Like Saying "When" - For Everything There Is A Season

When -noun (a question or declaration as to a time of some occurrence)

 
Lord, when will this be over? How much longer Lord? Oh my gosh! If I had a dollar for every time I've asked Him that question, I could have paid cash for my car! I really thought this was going to be easy. My testimony is filled with some really horrible, desperate things so I thought sharing one of them with the world would be a simple thing. It hasn't. I've hit the delete button more times than I can count. 

Jesus has always walked with me but I've only walked with Him 15 years.  I used to cry out "why" more than "when".  When only came after learning to worship the Lord with my sorrow, knowing that He would make something beautiful out of it! I've walked through the horrors of rape, abortion and suicide attempts. I've struggled with poverty, homelessness, and being a single parent. Nothing in my life has broken my heart as deeply as my family has. My family is a puzzle in a box. None of the pieces are put together. I can put two or three of the pieces together for a short time but they soon are pulled apart. It's tragic, ugly and very, very heartbreaking! I've never known what it's like to have a normal family.  When you walk with the Lord, you learn that life is full of seasons...good ones, bad ones, long ones, short ones. I'll be 53 this October. This season with my family is one I've been walking in all my life.  

"When" has been mostly Psalms 13 to me for many years. "How long oh Lord will you forget me?" When will this be over Lord? When will my son come back? When will my family be whole again? Now, more than ever, "When" has become Psalms 126. It is a thanksgiving for restoration. When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”  The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.
 
Seasons come but they also go. Seasons end. God turns them around. I declare salvation, reconciliation, and restoration for my family! Thank you Lord!

Linda lives in Columbia TN with Norman and BJ, her faithful furry babies. She is mom to her son, Jaymz, and Nani to her grandlovies Toby, Charlie and Skylar.

Ice Cream Sandwich

Ingredients:

Ice cream (You can use whatever flavor you like, we used vanilla) 

Pizzelle (Italian Waffle Cookies) 

Carob Sauce *Optional

Sandwich Number 1 (No Carob Sauce)

Directions:

Take a scoop of ice cream and place in onto your cookies. Be really careful not to break up your cookie. Place the second cookie on top at a slight angle (again being careful not to break it). Its best to build these on the plate you intend to serve them on. 

Sandwich Number 2 (Painted Shell)

Make your Carob Sauce. Let it cool so that it begins to get thick again. Take a basting brush and brush the sauce over the cookies. Place cookies into fridge for a few minutes so the sauce will harden fast and not make the cookie soft or mushy. After it is hardened remove it from the fridge and place on a plate. drizzle about a quarter size circle of Carob Sauce in the center of the cookie, then take a scoop of ice cream and place in onto the Carob. Again being really careful not to break up the cookie. Slowly drizzle the carob sauce over the ice cream. Then place the second cookie on top at a slight angle

 Sandwich Number 3 

Make your Carob Sauce. Let it cool so that it begins to get thick again. Drizzle about a quarter size circle of Carob Sauce in the center of the cookie, then take a scoop of ice cream and place in onto the Carob. Be careful not to break the cookie. Slowly drizzle the carob sauce over the ice cream. Then place the second cookie on top at a slight angle