I've been struggling to write my little blog post. Not that I can't write. I have millions of ideas running around in my head. Mostly at one in the morning! As my Dad refers to it, it's my "head squeezing time". I have always found the early morning hours are the best ones for remembering that I didn't sign a permission slip. Or wondering if I locked all the doors after my late night swim. Do my cats have water? So these past few days, my head squeezing time has been about a time that I have said "when" and God has brought me through. Honestly, there are so many I can't even begin to pin point one specific incident. By nature I'm not a worrier. I am fortunate that not much really drops me into the depths. Yes, I have been through heartache and traumatic events. I have lost people I have loved. But through it all God has remained at my side, steadying me like a mother steady's a toddling baby.
"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you will revive me; You will stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand will save me" Psalm 138:7
So, I chose one of the latest things God has brought me through. My husband and kids and I have lived in our apartment for 20 years. A few months after we moved in I quit my job. The owner of the building came to me and asked me if I had ever thought about managing an apartment building, to which I replied "no!". She suggested I try it and long story very short, I had been doing it ever since. Fast forward to April of last year. The owner informed me she was thinking of selling the building. So many things ran through my head, mostly at one in the morning! Would I continue on as the manager? What would these new people be like to work for? Oh my gosh, what if they didn't keep me on? Would they allow us to rent our apartment? How much rent would they charge us? Where would I work? How would I be able to have a job and still take my 13 year old to school and pick him up? How much would child care be if I had to use it?
My head squeezing time was pretty bad at this point. "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you will revive me; You will stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand will save me" Psalm 138:7 After a few days of fervent prayer and freaking out a bit, I'm so glad my Jesus loves me and is patient with me.
"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble and he knows those who trust him" Nahum 1:7
Finally I had a sense of peace. Not complete peace mind you, I am human. However I knew it would be okay and that it would have NOTHING to do with my meager attempts at making everything right!! As it turned out, the building sold and the new owner brought in his management company, who in turn brought in their own managers. We were allowed to stay and pay rent. That was a whole new freak out moment! I hadn't paid rent in 20 years!
My Dad had been asking me if I would come and work a few days a week in his office and I had hemmed and hawed. Now he offered me full time work and the ability to take care of my 13 year old at the same time. He owns his own tax firm and is an Enrolled Agent with the IRS. Those of you that know me, know that for me this would seem crazy! I have never been a math gal. I majored in English in college, minored in music. I am creative!! I sing, I write, I paint, I am mom to all in my home as well as the neighborhood! I am a free spirit....no one can tie me down.
Jesus said, "you will go work with your Dad". So I with GREAT trepidation on my own part, and yet trying so hard to trust God, I was pretty sure that he had made a huge mistake.....I mean I'm seriously like a monkey working a math problem!!!
The first few weeks were mentally exhausting. I had never seen ANY of these programs, these forms. I was doing simple clerical work and I felt like a pokey Joe. I told my Dad that my eye was pretty much on permanent twitch mode! Slowly I became familiar with the routine. I found out that I LOVE answering the phone, setting up appointments, making up tax folders, payroll....I actually enjoyed finding out where those little number puzzles led me!
I have been here over a year, and I just love it! I love that I get to see my Dad everyday, that I am part of something that is rewarding mentally for me. That I can take care of my youngest son who still needs me!
I am so very grateful for God's leading and working through my Dad and my dear friends who encouraged me to try something different!
Again...."Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you will revive me; You will stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand will save me" Psalm 138:7 My go to verse during this time.....
Jesus pulled the hands away from the side of my head....no more head squeezing! His word assured me that he was in control, that he knew what was best for me. I am so Thankful that he brought me through this and I know that he will continue to steer me through the rest of my life. I am reminded of the song "Jesus take the wheel" By Carrie Underwood
"Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel"
I pray I allow Jesus to continue to steer my life. Funny how things go so much smoother when HE who made Heaven and Earth is in control!
Cherie Mancaruso lives in Torrance California with her husband of 26 years Glen and their two boys Joey 25, and Daniel 14. And is also Mom to many more!!!!