Walking With Mom

It has been a long road, so many memories. You were my Matron of honor at my wedding, you helped me scrimp to make the evening special and beautiful. You were mom and dad for me after daddy died and we were best friends when I grew up.

When you would go visit other family members I would try not to call so they could have you all to themselves but I would find myself standing in an all too empty kitchen wishing I could just talk to you. Just share my day or cry on your shoulder.

Time has marched on and still we walk side by side year by year. The doctors can't say why- but these strokes don't stop. They continue to plague you and frighten us all as the slowly steal one memory at a time. With them has come change... my friend has gone away and left only the small frail shell of a woman I loved. Someday's you remember me, other you don't. Someday's you know you are at home others you are somewhere else. Somewhere I can not follow no matter how much I wish I could. Someday's I repeat things two-thousand times and on the two millionth and one time, I have to remind myself that to you it is only the first time.

In the quiet times, I wonder- how the brain is so amazing. How it picks and chooses...

"Do the chickens have a place to go out of the rain?"

"Do I have shoes?" 

"What do I put on my feet?"...

I am tired.

Like the mother of a toddler that has to answer a string of "Why" questions that never end until night falls and she tucks her little questioner safely in bed and whispers exhausted prayers over them. Stealing away in the dark quiet moments to pray for the strength to finish the journey. To end the days with love, and honor...

as we walk this last leg of the journey together.

Read More of Mom's Journey

It's Just My Reflection In A Hosptial Window - 

I Will Stay With You The Rest Of Your Days -

When all that you have left are Friends And A Savior - 

Waiting With You Grandma  

For Everything, There Is A Season Grandma -  But Oh My Heart! 

Grandma, I Know Just What You'd Say:

Travel: Saying Goodbye Grandma Cottage - California Day 3 

Today On Your Birthday - A Tribute To Grandma 

The MOST Important Thing -

Stepping Stones & Ocean Waves

Last week I was downloading some photos from the camera and found some that Brianna took when we went to visit Benji at the vet. I sat there and just cried. My mind just can't wrap around the fact that he is gone. Dogs are such amazing creatures. Maybe that goes for all animals...

For those of you that don't have pets or have never lost one picture a giant wave, but where you are standing it can't touch you. You can't get hurt but instead of standing there safe you take hold of your pet's paw and you step into that wave because you made a promise that no matter what you would be there for them because they were there for you. And everything in you screams that the wave is going to crush you. But slowly you creep forward with him, one step -one breath at a time. Until at some point, he no longer is beside you and you finally step out of the wave and a huge empty spot is left in your heart and life. Over the next weeks, anything and everything reminds you of him and more tears fall that you thought you had cried out.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Time is a slow healer, but eventually, as you take one stepping stone at a time the tears come less and less. So here is to our beloved pets that were and are there for us through it all, who when gone leave such a huge hole in our hearts. Who greet us at the door at night when we get home, or in the morning when our feet touch the floor. Who love us with all our faults and all our problems. Remind you of someone else? Maybe that's why He put them in our lives, to help us grow and to show us a little more of Him.