Broken Dreams

Yesterday we received a package from my cousin Brittany. She had packed it full of little clothes and big dreams tucked beside newborn diapers, little socks and shoes that belonged to my little cousin Carter.

My heart broke again as I imagined a different ending for that day back in September. I imagined Carter wearing the tiny boots in the little keep sake box.The little outfits on a growing little boy.

My heart breaks for those broken dreams. Why is it that the one who lost so much gave so much for a little one she has never met? My heart breaks for my own family and the broken dreams that lay in our hearts. My heart breaks for my eleven siblings I didn't get to grow up with. I was to little to understand when we lost them. All I knew that my mommy was crying and I didn't understand why.

But as I got older I understood. That one day I will get to meet all those siblings I always wanted. The ones I would cry for because there were only five of us around the dinner table. We never named those eleven. I think it was just too hard. Except for two. They were twins, my mom was going to name them Hope and Faith. They passed though heavens gates on Good Friday.

This year when it warms up my mom and I have decided to make stepping stones and write each of their names onto them and place them in our garden. Recently a friend invited us to her church, she introduced us to the pastors wife then stepped aside to get us all some hot chocolate. The pastor's wife asked if we were the only two children in our family. Brianna answered for us. But it wasn't the right answer but how do you explain "No there are thirteen of us but the other eleven you will never meet" ? How do you explain that no we aren't the only ones?

How do you explain your broken dreams to someone who has never walked your road? How do you answer are you the only children in your family?

(If you do not know Carter Lee's story I encourage you to visit his mommy's blog Twinkling Stars & Forget-Me-Not's . You can also read The Other Side Of The Waiting Room which is where I tell a little bit of his special life.)