Just My Reflection In A Window


Good luck... Two words from an E.R. nurse, from the other side of the phone. It's all I needed to hear and I knew how this trip would end... I walk through the house waiting for Mr. Cottage to arrive, so this is what an empty house sounds like, the gentle hum of  the refrigerater and the heater. If I listen really hard I can hear the rain hitting the gutter. So many memories reside in this house. My steps so loud as I pace through the living room for the hundredth time. Heart Failure, Kidneys shutting down the list goes on... They are calling for snow tomorrow.

I watch my reflection in the cold glass of the giant mirror like window 8 stories above the ground. Nurses huddle around the frail frame in the hospital bed. The frail frame that blood and memories tie me so tightly to. The family has all been called, several family members are looking for flights.

Familiar voices and unfamiliar voices echo through this room. So quiet as we all deal with what is happening in our own way. I scribble on a napkin, as a friend updates my uncle and his wife. Mr. Cottage grabs a few peanut butter cookies from the box, and the wrapper crinkles and then all is silent again. A friend asks us to tell Grandma she loves her. My cousin says she will take us home so Mr. Cottage can stay with Mrs. Cottage at the hospital. Faith greets us at the door. Dogs are such amazing creatures. The house seems so big, so quiet.

So many people are praying for a miracle. But I can't help but wonder, what does a miracle look like? Mrs. Cottage told me this morning that after we left last night she was holding Grandma's hand. Grandma was staring off into space above Mrs. Cottage's head and she whispered "pretty" when she asked her what was pretty she simply said in her horse voice "angel". And again I wonder did those prayers get an answer? Just not in the way those that said them thought?


  1. We pray for suffering to end, and sometimes God answers that prayer by allowing the person to go HOME to be with Him. Years ago, a dear lady I know was in a comatose state - dying from an infection acquired in the hospital but untreatable due to her allergy to the medicine - yet she opened her eyes, sat up, and took communion when her pastor arrived. She then closed her eyes, lay back down peacefully, and a couple of hours later went HOME. "Look for the
    collateral beauty", to quote from the movie, when facing the death of a loved one.

  2. We prayed until I saw my mom's last breath and believed that she would be healed. A couple of my friend's asked me what if God's answer is to take her home to be with Him. How does that make you feel. I looked at them and said I will be ok if that is His decision but I will not give up praying for my precious mom. I will continue seeking her healing. Why would you give up on someone you love. No! With every fiber of my being I had hope and believ in the healing power of the Lord.
    My mom went to be with the Lord. Of course, I wasn't happy about that decision the Lord made. I am ever faithful to the love of my heart Jesus Christ. I will not allow the devil to try to hurt All my mom poured into my life. Her every faith love for Jesus and her stead fast example. I am here legacy. A beautiful life poured her love into me because the Lord loved her through her. I miss her lovely presence in my life she was not only my mom but my best friend. My love, Jesus, pours His love on me when it hurt and Holy Spirt comforts my soul. Hurt is there because you love that person so much and miss their beautiful presence in your life. God gives us what we need to o through the difficulty in life when you lean on him. He gave us hope, prayer and strength in Him to go through that hard time. He is ever faithful to be there.


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