Waiting with you...

I watch your vital signs on the monitor.  I watch your life-sustaining breaths grow further apart and more ragged.  I listen to phone calls coming in – final words being spoken and I wonder.  I wonder why do we leave things undone and unsaid.  

Everyone with smartphone and iPhone in their pockets and purses but why are we all really so unconnected.  There is Facebook and Twitter and still mostly it is just meaningless. 

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 I think for all of our so-called connected-ness in our modern age I think we really are one of the most unconnected societies.  Sound bytes and 140 characters but where is the heart?  A check in from Starbucks and Chicago O’Hare but how is your family?  A photo from Chuck E Cheese and a day at the beach but are you really happy?  Can I pray for you? What is a burden you are carrying?  You had a cheeseburger today and you like a vegan pumpkin pie recipe but what is your joy? What burden are you carrying that I can walk with you through and help you carry?  You see for all of this connectedness, the heart and soul of communication lay withering on the vine.

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We get so busy with the business of life.  With the pulse of our daily duty - the breathing in and breathing out of life, work, commute, doing…  We miss out on so much.  Relationships are not found in sound bytes but in the walking out of life.

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Your breathing is more ragged now and tears stream down my cheeks as I think of all the words that have been left unspoken because of the business of life. Is it worth it?

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Again they say you have only hours and we watch the lengthening flat lines appear where breaths should be and then a ragged breath and your frail chest rises once again.  You are so small and helpless in that great big hospital bed.  I know that healing and restoration is awaiting you when Jesus comes to take you home.

Then that part of me, that selfish part of me- as the flat line crosses the screen my heart screams inside of me No! Not yet!  Don’t leave me yet! Oh selfish, selfish heart.  Another breath comes and I breathe again, realizing I too am holding my breath until my lungs burn at the holding of it.